donkey days since i last blog...
shit lor...
had been goin through a shitty period in my life...

everithg jus not smooth... i use to love the feeling of goin home...
now i begin to have fear... cos i dunno wat to do when i get home...
its the empty feelin.. n when i see the others at home..
its so unlike our family, so unfamiliar... so inacceptable...

swollen eyes, tears, frowns.... these are what i see everidae...
i jus fear goin back home...
i am suppose to go n visit her aft wrk... but all of a sudden..
smthg kept me away...
i didnt go directly... i ran away...
i went to bugis alone.. walk ard...
blank mind... when into shops...
i decide to start buyin...
cos shopping is the thg tt cheers me up...

i bought shoes, tubes, shirt....
but i am still unhappy...
i feel worse... so i rush down to SGH...
i almost cried when i am in front of her... lucky i didnt...
mummy hold me back again... nag by her again...
i jus cant control..
i truely cant... i am jus not gd at controlling tears and emotions...
the feelin is as though i am blowin...
my head spinning... tears flooded my eyes... blur vision...
my mind simply went blank...
this is so yucky...

i jus cant understand y mus she suffer...
i know i mus b strong and i am tryin to..
now she knows of her illness... (not all details)
she is willing to go through treatment...
but these treatments hurts... bleeding... hairdrop..
i jus cant imagine...... i dunno wat i can do to help her also lor..

how long more can we hold on to her??
how long more can we have her by our side??
i dunno... realli dunno...
3 mths?? 1 mth?? 2 weeks??
can someone just tell me...
these are wat the doc say...
who the hell can accept... i admit tt i cant...
she is impt to me.. to our family...
i realli dun wish to loose her...
i can only wait... n wait...

dear friends, do treasure your love ones..
life is veri fragile...