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Thursday, November 30, 2006

i jus dun understand wat the whole hack is all abt...
y so much unhappiness in wrk...
i dun understand...

This isnt the usual, this isnt like b4...
y is this so...
wat is happening...
and wat the hell happen to people around me...

y can people be so unfair...
y can people not spare a thought for others..

did i do anythg wrong..
or jus tt they dislike the sight of me...

wat shld i do...

dump everithg and head for sch???
Change Department?
Change job??

or shld i jus change myself...

HELP !!!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

this is gonna b post with my xperience from shanghai...

my trip is the 2nd visit in 2006...

and.. finally... i get to walk around...

Yeah!!

This is my room with Sheryn... JW Marriott... Shiok lor...

Its a 6 star hotel and one of the tip top in Shanghai...

Woei Leng is nice by showing me around in the Shanghai City...

Taken at 步行街... where all vehical have to stop for shoppers...

The train behind me is mainly for showing tourist around...

Taken on my way to 南海路

its drizzling lor..

My first experience takin a MRT Ride...

hey... they are advance in technology...

they uses e-link cards like ours...

This is my 1st and also Woei leng's...

Saw this Huge Sunny outside Warner Brothers' Studio...
Damn Cute...

This is a place call 新天地...

its like our boat quay, with lots of cafes and pubs...

Posing For myself

Taken with the aid of a foreigner...

Its dinner Time!!

Pampering Ourselves with a decent meal for the day...

finally a proper one too..

X'mas lightlings outside 太平洋百貨

Now gonna intro u guys a new friend of my sheryn...

N ew TY Bear she gt aft the Tennis Match...

This pic shows the bear slpin with blanket lor...

fortunate right... even the room maker dare not disturb him lor...

haha..

Now is time to introduce all my friends in Shanghai...

Me n the temps in Shanghai

Me and Vicky..

The trip ended with a dinner, and a great massage session...

the dinner was great... with a full of 16 dishes..

Dinner Attandance

*Vicky*

*Chris*

*Pencester*

*me n Sheryn*

*Uncle Jimmy*

now will be pics taken with my 3 lovely ladies

Shanghai is a pretty cool part of china..

i would love to be there again if i have a chance..

anyone's keen??

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

On my overseas trip again...
this time round will b snaghai again..
receive the news of goin to shanghai oni 2 weeks back and now i am alr here wrkin...

hmm...
now its pretty cold compared to my previous trip in april...
lucky bought a thivk winter jacket b4 i came over...
that jacket is real useful.. but ex lor...
cos me 90 bucks..

this is a gd buy... cos the sellin price is 170 bucks...
lucky gt it at 50 percent off the retail price...
happy...

haha...
the flight is a real boring one... wrkin here is also boring...
will update wif pics n details when i am back...
yipee..
hope that i can shop n massage...
yeah

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

went to attend Val's wedding last sat with the AP commers..
it was a dinner that we had been waiting for...
since the day val came into AP Com, she had been lookin ard n preparing for her wedding..

11 Nov 06 is the day..
the day she n jonathan choose to go through the customary...
the day when they can be declared as a couple...
as husband n wife...

its nice to see that another of my friend had found her true love and i believe that jonathan will love her forever...

wedding invitation wrote the time of dinner commencement as 7.30pm.
as a normal singaporean... we are late...
we were there at 7.45...
not to our surprise, we are still VERY early...
alot of ppl turn up only at 8.30pm or even later...
Dinner only commence at ard 9pm...

met val during the cocktail session...
she look great...
the weddin photos are placed at the enterance for the guests to view b4 entering
we took some time to look through...
wedding photos are all abt the same...
the only different thg is the feeling...
the feeling the pic tells u and the stories behind the pictures...
they look so loving n sweet...
i begin to wonder how mine will look like...
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before dinner commence, they were playin a clip of the photos val n jonathan took during the time from young till date and also their love journey...
the thg that came to my mind is
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"hmm... next time i mus take more pic wif bf...
so i can have a wide selection for the clip"
hehe... stupid rite...
but i am sure most ladies thk this way...
cos marriage is somethg that realli means alot...
and for sure it will b the most memorable one...

So looks like a pricess.. so lovely wif her Tiara...

Get to meet up wif the gers there.. the gers whom were all so busy...

We gers started taking pics aft dinner commence...

Me n Ming

Listia, Me, Ming and Suying... (ex-neighbours and my new gf)

Wyna~Me~Listia

Wyna (my sweet ex-neighbour) ~ Me~ Jill (Sexy ger)...

The AP Com Girlys

Me n my ex neighbour Wyna...

ger i miss u so much...

The group pic b4 we go... Hmm... but not complete... haha

Finally givin my warmest greeting to Valerie and Jonathan..

May u 2 stay loving forever and...

BABY!!!

work towards it k...

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

i came to realise life is such a hassle..

nuttin is easy or simple rite even b4 the moment u r born..

frm a 'worm' to a baby... already cost a bomb...

then it comes the surgery fee, check up bills, medical fees, injections...

when grow older will be education, transportation, meals etc...

these adds up to an amazin amount...

when one gets even older..

medical bill is terror... even till death cost money...

funeral is a great sum, even cremation and keeping my own ashes cost money...

frm this incident of my aunt...

i came to realise the hassle of arranging a funeral..

frm the initial stage of arranging to bring her back home till the day when we send her ashes to the temple... tonnes of arrangements and commitments...

These can only b accomplish with the aid of family members and great relatives...

really... thanks alot to those who lend a helpin hand to us..

Thanks to all who came over.. Thanks for friends who made an effort to call me or msg me.. or jus even ask "are u ok?"

these realli gave me alot of support...

as my aunt is single... she has no children to pray for her...

aft discussion, 7 of us volunteered to b her children...

all of us.. none backout...

we accompanied her all the way frm the hospital to the funeral parlor and the back to home...

throughout the whole funeral i am feelin pretty ok...

jus the initial...

the day when we wait for her to come back..

on the sunday morning...

ard 10++ am

we were all asked to kneel by the side 'head down'...

this is disastor...

tears will jus roll down n the worse instruction is...

"all.. call her name and tell her that she's home"

this is crazy lor... no one in the rite mind will be able to say these out lor..

we all mumbered our words... frankly speaking, i cant realli figure out what we were saying lor...

after that follows a series praying, chanting...

theres a part where i realli need to highlight...

this part is only accomplished by children of the deceased...

we were to feed her, wash up for her, and also fan her...

although these are not done directly... but the fear is there...

seein your love one lyin on the bed... lookin so diff as usual...

when feedin her we have to say smthg like..

'ni bao wo da, wo yang ni lao'

this is unbearable..

n we gt to repeat twice..

once is enough to turn on my tear valve...

so can imagine how bad it is.. this is only the beginning...

followed by feedin her water.. wiping her body and also fanning her...

we all tried to control...

but as usual... gers failed this mission...

tears are flowin for free... no one can control...

we still have to be careful when crying...

no tear to b drop on her... haiz.. how tough this is...

then sealing of the coffin...

all of a sudden it started to rain...

i dunno wat this means but this realli affected me..

making me tear even more...

the next few days were ok.. except few incidents where relatives came and stared tearing n screaming... this badly affected all of us...

when these relatives came... all of us will start to tear.. one by one...

tears are running for free for that few days...

i am gonna skip the very last part of the funeral...

thats the very last day when we were sendin her to mandai...

cos... i dun thk i have the ability to write it out and also i dun thk i now how to phrase my words..

this can only be felt and understand when this ever happened to one..

now i wanna say a Goodbye to er yi ma...

i know there will never be a chance where she will read it.. but still...

i hope to write out wat i didnt get to say...

"Thanks so much for wat u had done for me all along... since the day i am staying wif u all.. i am starting to get attached to u... i know u dote on me alot... bring me overseas.. givin me pocket money.. and nagging at me as n when u like... i use to hate it alot.. hate the controls u had over me... but i really appreciates that... wat i am now is partially influenced by u... we grow according to the evironment we live in.. i am staying wif u and da yi ma n ah ma... u all taught me alot... make me a better person and love the way u all treat me as an adult... when ah ma left..

i know u r feelin very bad... but for the sake of the family.. u held on to it...

promising ah ma to look aft 5 yi ma...

all along u r the 1 lookin the household needs and meals... w/o u = no more nice home cook food... no one's gonna cook my fav dishes any more... this cant b replaced.. u r the oni one who knows wat we like to eat and u r the only one who can cook accordin to our taste..

thanks for all the great dishes u made for me over the yrs although they made me fat but..

i love it...

now someone else will take over looking aft the needs in the household... paying all the bills n stuff... so u need not worry..i know u will b worried abt jiawen, 5 yi ma and da yi ma... dun worry.. i promise that i will look them... jia wen is no longer a kid le... i am sure she can take care of herself.. so dont worry abt her...

we will all take care.. u too have to take care of urself and if ever gets the oppotunity...

let me dream of u..

please"

Friday, November 03, 2006

a week had passed and loads of stuff happened during this week....
a week is enough for a lot to happen and alot of new thoughts to flood into ones mind...
this past week of mind is a long n dreaded one....
i never wanted a week like that and i never expect this 1 week to come so fast...
never one will expect things to happen so fast and within such a short period of time...

All started with her fever which comes on n off for mths... to b exact i cant really recall how long it had been...
all along she refuses to see a doc...
but she did go eventually...

on the 1st oct 2006
she was sent to SGH by my auntie 4...
she fell on the street the day b4... so no choice, we gotta send her in...
she was immediately admitted into the hospital as her fever was adnormal...
close to 40 degrees... seldom happen to a normal human being..
she is still concious and clear in mind...
still in the mood to grunble and nag at all of us who visited her...
we all took turn to acc her, as we sense the fear in her...

for the following aproximately 10 days, the doc did not come to any conclusion...
no reports of any diseases or illness... wat they did all along was controlling her fever..

11 oct 2006
the day b4 i depart for Bintan for my event...
i worked till abt 9++ b4 heading to the hospital...
went off wif suleen.. she sent me to SGH...
on my way... i received a call frm my mum..
the doc's report showed that my aunt had Lymphoma
and she has only abt 2 weeks...
the only thg that prolongs her life is all the treatments.. but still... no promises...

12-15 Oct 2006
was away from my aunt...
went to bintan for my proj..
regardless how much i wish to stay here.. i choose to go..
cos, the proj is a baby to me and i cant jus let go..
my dad also agreed on me goin...
its the responsibility and its my job to b there...
so i went...

15 Oct 2006
Rushed to the hospital the moment i touched down at the ferry terminal...
finally get to see her aft so many days..
i put down my stuff and walk over to her...
my mum n others are surrounding her..
she is resting... wif her eyes closed..
my mum called her...
"jiajia lai le"
i see her slowly opening her eyes...
i walked near... nearer to her...
"er yi ma"
i saw her.. her eyes opened..
my tears almosted rolled down...
jokingly i asked: "ni xiang wo ma??"
i saw her moving her head
she is noddin
she's trying to say something...
i went over by her n bent forward....
i told her" er yi ma, wo hui lai le, ni bu yao jiang hua, xiu xi xian"
she nodded...

she is so use to havin us by her..
i know she feels insecure when we are not around...
she dun really like to be alone...

everyone left slowly...
i stayed behind wif daddy n mummy...
i jus wanna accompany her a little longer..

16 Oct - 25 Oct
Everything seems fine...
she seems to b gettin better...
she is having her dialysis everyday to keep breathing n water discharge smooth..
I begin to have hope that she is recovering...

26 Oct
took half dae off at home...
i am sick... resting...
left for wrk ard 12+
the moment i stepped out of the train, i received a call frm congrong...
"u gt michael's number??, find him... the doc wanna speak to him"
i immdiately contacted meiting...
they rushed down to SGH as i headed my way back to the office...
the feelin is bad.. felt very uneasy... i am waiting...
waiting for meiting's update...

finally she dropped me a msg...
"Doc wan all of us down at the hospital... come if you can..."
i am puzzled... i called her
she was crying..
i rushed down aft tt... i left my wrk behind... n head to the hosiptal...

the moment i reached... i saw all of them crying...
auntie 4 outside the ward.. talking rubbish...
i saw alot of docs n nurses rushing in n out...
"she gt breathing difficulty, very low blood count, we will try our best"
this is wat we were told...
the next moment, i saw her being pushed out of the ward... to the ICU...
i rushed all the way there to wait.. jus in case anytime she will need us...
the others dare not go... they were afraid...

all ofus gathered outside ICU... we waited for abt 3 hrs...

they said that her condition is better... but not stabilized...
they wan us to take turn to acc her in the night outside the ICU, to keep her company and also be on standby... jus in case...

28 Oct 2006
10 am in the morning...
i received a call...
"is that Jiahui"
"yes i am"
"i am calling frm SGH, the doc wants to speak to you all urgently, pls come down now"
"oh, ok..."
i immediately went to wake jiawen and we took a cab down...
blood pressure goin down again...
Oh My...
all of us gathered again...
i went in to see her the moment i reached... my mum's in there..
wif me n jiawen...
me n jiawen went near to her..
i called her"er yi ma"
todae is different.. she opened her eyes wide open...
"yi ma.. ni bu yao pa... rang yi shen bang ni... hao ma.."
again she nod her head.. but i see tears rolling down her cheeks...
"yi ma... bu yao ku... ni hui hao de.. wo men dou zai deng ni.. hao ma"
she nodded...
i took a tissue and wipe off her tears...
i went out aft tt.. tell her that i am outside waiting...
everyone took turns to visit her...
i went in again wif meiwei...
she was afraid to go in... thats y...
i know she has fear, but i still wan her to see yi ma...
we went in... we called her..
we called a few times.. no response...
so we left... thkin that she is taking a rest...

meiwei break into tears the moment she stepped out of ICU...

most of us left ard 3++ head home for bath n stuff..

8.30pm...
i received a called frm congrong...
"where r u? are u comin over??"
"erm... not sure.. maeb later"
8.45pm...
another call frm godmummy...
"where r u??"
"can come over??"
"yi ma blood pressure very low"
i immediately head down to get a cab... i cant...
i cant get any.. eric ask me to call...
i called, n her accompanied me to but tissue as my silly tears are giving way...
i board the cab leaving eric behind...
he look diff.. i thk he sense the fear in me...
i ran to ICU..

i am late... like usual
i lost her...
lost the chance to see her for the last time...
no more 2nd chance...
no more...

Its hard to accept..
I admit i cant..
but i believe.. to her...
Its a relieve..