had been some time since i last updated my blog...
had been kinda busy wif some personal stuff.. hmmm... very long story..
will write an entry about it...


now i am more enthu to share wif u guys my new image... lol
finally i cut my hair shorter...
lol..

do give me some feedback on this haircut ya.. =p

Woke up earli in the morning today as Uncle Lin is coming over to read my fortune...

Background Information of Uncle Lin
He is a friend of my Aunt and Uncle Michael..
Known for knowing how to read fortune and Thai Prayers..
Has wonder knowledge for Buddhism and Taoism...
Recentli brought my uncle and his family to Thai for prayers..
For my Uncle's Family esp my cousin whom was destinated to die at the age of 30..

My cousin use to be a Buddhist, recent year she converted to be a christian..
during the process of changing her fate, she was realli unwilling..
the rejection from her was kinda strong.. as its a command frm her parents, she has no choice but to obey...
after she returns frm thai, she changed in the sense of character...
can realli sense the difference...

As i had been pretty down on luck for the year, my uncle invited Uncle Lin over to get my fortune read..

seems that this bad luck is gonna stay wif me for some time..
and seems that everythg that had happened is already pre-detinated in my life..

he told me to control my temper..
amazinly he knows of my bad temper even when my aunt tries to convince him that my temper had been very good...
he told me that my temper had been getting worse recentli.. and this havent reach my max..
i kinda realise this also...
i seem to flare up easily.. and seems that i can no long tame my temper..
this will cause me alot of interpersonal problems...
this is also gonna affect the r/s between me and my sister... as both of us shares the same bad temper...

he told me that as long as i am attached these few years, nothing else in life will turn out smooth for me..
i will eventualli loose everything... esp financially
This is passed down frm my previous life.. wat i had owed in my previous life...
i have to return...
there shldnt be a smooth r/s for me; even if smooth we will end up going seperate ways
Only at the age of 25/26 then i will confirm my Mr Right; the guy that will look after me for life

my work wont be smooth now as someone had been blocking me (in the sense of luck)
this is due to feng shui and stuff..
seems that the bad feng shui in the boon keng ofc had followed me due to my low luck..
some "stuff" had been following me causing the low period in my life..
lucky that i had already left the place.. but i still cant shake off the bad "stuff"

He said that i might look bright on the surface, but my inner self is feeling very lost and confuse.. very very unsure.. this is also due to the bad luck followin me..
this will be the factors that obstruct me frm lookin for new job and new opportunity...

the thing that worry me the most is this 7th ans 12th month in the lunar calender and Dec..
he claims that something will happen to me..
and it seems kinda bad...
according to him it will be a kind of accident on the road...
i will have to be very very careful... but i can never avoid...

he did a short prayer for me on the spot...
the feelin is kinda scary...i dunno how to describe..
oni ppl whom had experienced it b4 will know ba..

i dunno if its right to believe what he had said..
but i think eventualli it will be better if i believe and be careful right?
hmmmm... better be careful than to be sorry ba...

Was browsing through some pics of dolls online last night..

Time realli flies...
it had already been a week since the lousy 030808...

i am still trying to struggle wif the fact that thgs had already changed...
argh... its realli tough...
and the feeling is really terrible....

i will bear with it..
cos i know i have to....
this decision is made by me...
i am the one who made this choice..
but why am i still not happy??

Since i am the one who made the choice..
why am i still not satisfied???
why am i still not happy???
Why am i still feeling lost???
i really hate this... really...

i really miss u terribly...
really...

This entry is supposed to be posted last night...
but wasnt done as i am realli realli tired...

this is the 2nd day of me being alone..
as i took up a PT assignment today..
it kinda kept me busy for the whole day...

i called him in the morning aft i woke up.. and we had a short chat...
he sound kinda emotional..
this realli made me felt terrible..
i cant hold back my tears...

afternoon were mainly work...
set out frm home...
preparation work... make-up for harry... talking to clients...
these realli kept me stop thking abt my prob for the moment...
but jus for tt moment...
cos once i sit down alone again...
the issue flew back into my mind....

he called me twice and i was unable to ans due to work...
this is often in the previous times..
but dunno y...
i felt super uncomfortable.. and i hate myself for nt being able to ans his calls..
i realli wanna talk 2 him...

today will be another day...
plans ahead wasnt realli occupying...
but hopefully both of us will feel better...

all of a sudden i feel like tellin him how much i realli miss him...

Today is the 1st day i am being alone all by myself..
the 1st 24 hrs w/o the precious person..
i know i am the person who chose this path..
and i am the person who makes the situation like that..
i know.. i understand...

its just that for the good of the 2 of us..
i feel that this will be the better way out...
realli...
for us to grow independently and stronger as we go along..
thanks so much for accomdating to it although i know you dun wan it to happen...
( if i have a choice i dont want it to happen either)

in the last 24 hrs..
the most frequent activity for me is crying..
the thought of him makes me tear non stop..
his look.. his behaviours.. his words.. his smses.. his smile.. his jokes.. etc
everythg keeps flowin into my mind non stop...

i know i am stupid...
askin for smthg that i dunno if it is right or wrong..
givin up someone whom i never wanna let go...
but i believe that this is better for the 2 of us...
for our future.. for our growth...
i dunno if what i had done now is right or wrong...
but to me.. this is the better path... its tough..
i will endure.. i will bear wif all pain...
cos i wanna see the better him and me...

dear,
please understand where i am coming frm..
i realli love u...
but i am sure.. life does not consist abt love...
theres much more thgs jus than love...
so please understand ok...

i know the risks i am taking...
the facts that
you might meet another ger and fall in love;
u might begin to hate me ( i realli NEVER want this to happen, Please)
i am still taking the risk...
cos i believe.. this is the way to force the 2 of us to grow...

i wanna let u know that...
for all these years even now at this very moment...
i still LOVE u...
I love u lotz dear....

This entry is meant for u.. just for u..

Thanks a million for the 2611 days together..
i am realli sorry for what had happened..
and i am realli sorry for not meetin up to our previous dreams and plans..
i am realli sorry to have to let go..

sorry dear, thanks for all the love, care, concern, advise, help etc all these while..
it had been great all along.. really wonderful to have you ard by my side..
thanks for being my habour, my shelter all these while..

i will learn to grow up..
i will learn to manage thgs on my own..
i will...

please promise me to take good care of yourself ok...
control your temper.. try to look at the brighter side of situation ok..

anythg u can just give me a call..
i will always be here for u..
alwaes remember.. i am just a phone call away..
and...
You are the Man in my Life.. Forever...

Jus read the blog written by a girl by the name of Charlene.. (recommended by fairy)
It was dedicated to her bf who had left her some time back...

very touching... the blog is abt their memories and their love...
showin the way charlene struggling to move on day by day....

*tears rolled down uncontrollably*

Treasure the love ones who are by your side..
tell them how much u realli love them...