i came to realise life is such a hassle..

nuttin is easy or simple rite even b4 the moment u r born..

frm a 'worm' to a baby... already cost a bomb...

then it comes the surgery fee, check up bills, medical fees, injections...

when grow older will be education, transportation, meals etc...

these adds up to an amazin amount...

when one gets even older..

medical bill is terror... even till death cost money...

funeral is a great sum, even cremation and keeping my own ashes cost money...

frm this incident of my aunt...

i came to realise the hassle of arranging a funeral..

frm the initial stage of arranging to bring her back home till the day when we send her ashes to the temple... tonnes of arrangements and commitments...

These can only b accomplish with the aid of family members and great relatives...

really... thanks alot to those who lend a helpin hand to us..

Thanks to all who came over.. Thanks for friends who made an effort to call me or msg me.. or jus even ask "are u ok?"

these realli gave me alot of support...

as my aunt is single... she has no children to pray for her...

aft discussion, 7 of us volunteered to b her children...

all of us.. none backout...

we accompanied her all the way frm the hospital to the funeral parlor and the back to home...

throughout the whole funeral i am feelin pretty ok...

jus the initial...

the day when we wait for her to come back..

on the sunday morning...

ard 10++ am

we were all asked to kneel by the side 'head down'...

this is disastor...

tears will jus roll down n the worse instruction is...

"all.. call her name and tell her that she's home"

this is crazy lor... no one in the rite mind will be able to say these out lor..

we all mumbered our words... frankly speaking, i cant realli figure out what we were saying lor...

after that follows a series praying, chanting...

theres a part where i realli need to highlight...

this part is only accomplished by children of the deceased...

we were to feed her, wash up for her, and also fan her...

although these are not done directly... but the fear is there...

seein your love one lyin on the bed... lookin so diff as usual...

when feedin her we have to say smthg like..

'ni bao wo da, wo yang ni lao'

this is unbearable..

n we gt to repeat twice..

once is enough to turn on my tear valve...

so can imagine how bad it is.. this is only the beginning...

followed by feedin her water.. wiping her body and also fanning her...

we all tried to control...

but as usual... gers failed this mission...

tears are flowin for free... no one can control...

we still have to be careful when crying...

no tear to b drop on her... haiz.. how tough this is...

then sealing of the coffin...

all of a sudden it started to rain...

i dunno wat this means but this realli affected me..

making me tear even more...

the next few days were ok.. except few incidents where relatives came and stared tearing n screaming... this badly affected all of us...

when these relatives came... all of us will start to tear.. one by one...

tears are running for free for that few days...

i am gonna skip the very last part of the funeral...

thats the very last day when we were sendin her to mandai...

cos... i dun thk i have the ability to write it out and also i dun thk i now how to phrase my words..

this can only be felt and understand when this ever happened to one..

now i wanna say a Goodbye to er yi ma...

i know there will never be a chance where she will read it.. but still...

i hope to write out wat i didnt get to say...